leilockheart:

wowfunniestposts:

this blog is hilarious

leilockheart:

quote submitted by greatdisguise

leilockheart:

quote submitted by rockpapermachineguns

I am a strong believer in the notion that you can make time for what you want to do, no matter how “busy” you are. 

HAVING THE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION EVER.

So I finally hung out with Mike after months of talking almost every day and after a good 2.5 years of him not-so-secretly wanting me (except when he had that gf of his). I was expecting us to get along really well because we’ve gotten to know each other over the past few months pretty well (or so I thought), but the day or two turned out way worse than I expected.

First of all he smokes a lot and smells of it, and it turns me off pretty bad. When I first saw him I was attracted to him, because he has a face that’s not bad at all and he had a backwards cap on with just a hint of curl coming out from under (none of that long hair crap from high school).

He doesn’t have much to say when he’s sober. His response to a lot was “word” and I found it hard to understand if a topic was interesting him or not. We went to Genos and he didn’t pay for me. I figured we were just going to be platonic which was completely fine with me with the not paying and the smoking. The guy who made my sandwich even gave me a pen as a “souvenir for having to pay for my own sandwich” and gave me an understanding wink. Love that guy!

Mike got more talkative when we started drinking and once we went out we had enough fun, we were less tense because of the alcohol, and I realized that he wasn’t feeling platonic once we had enough in our systems. I felt kind of obligated to hook up with him even though I wasn’t really feeling it because I felt it had been implied for like…4 months.

But ugh the hookup was so bad/awkward for me. He took off his shirt and as a hairy fucking beast, with a flabby stomach, and size A tits. The “rubber” broke twice (rubber? who the fuck calls them that anyway?- he did). And he took FOREVER to finish. He kept asking me what I wanted and to take control but all I wanted was for it to end quickly. Longest marathon ever -___- I thought I was going to pass out. And then in the morning he tried to be all cuddly and I had like none of it haha.

I couldn’t wait for him to leave but I don’t think he got the message. However he did leave around 3, and from about 130-3 we had run out of things to say to each other and it was awkward as fuck.